Episode blurb Edit

Feeling fat? Are your hands constantly greasy from all the fried foods you're always eating? Let Tim and Tom guide you through the healthiest diets out there today. Also covered: swinger cruises, making friends as an adult and the fact that your life has probably been a child's fever dream.[1]

Running Gags Edit

Quotes Edit

Tom: "I looked at this blender and it said Made in the USA, so I told you to stop looking at all the other blenders."

Tim: "Then you congratulated me for being a true patriot."

Tom: "I saluted you at the checkout, while I was humming God Bless America."


Tim: "I'm not doing it to lose weight Tom, cause I look freakin great."

Tom: "I was wondering why you were doing the podcast with no shirt."


Tim: "I stopped [the cleanse] after 9 days because I looked like a skeleton. And I was asked if I had a terminal disease."


Tim: "I don't remember life before like, 6 years ago."

Tom: "You were telling me the other day that you had this theory that the last 10 years of your life were a fever dream ... I yelled down the stairs, 'hey, you down there?' 'YEAH I'M DOWN HERE'. You'd just woken from a dream where the last 10 years didn't happen."

Tim: "It wasn't a dream! It was 45 minutes of my actual life."


Tim: "When I wake up from this dream, I'm going to do a lot of things differently."

Tom: "First things first, inventing the iPod."

Tim: "If I'm 10 years old, I can become an engineer. 10-year old Tim hasn't squandered all of his promise yet."


Tim: "Could be a coma."

Tom: "It's a pretty elaborate coma, I'm in here."

Tim: "Yeah, but like, honestly, I don't know."

Tom: "Are you going to argue that I'm not real?!"


Tom: "When we were in Target the other day, I noticed you were shopping in the 'husky' section of the boys department."