Life on the Road

Episode blurb
Buggles, Greatest Hits, Whiskey, Buying Alcohol for Kids, Farms, Chattanooga Hipsterbones, Tim Meets a Pimp and the World's Greatest Liar, Crushing Dreams, Racists Who Mow the Lawn in Lady's Underwear, 900 Numbers that Make You Cry, Caught Listening to Your Own Podcast, Lenny Kravitz at 7-11, Thanksgiving Eve, The World's Longest Gauntlet and the United [...]

Running Gags

 * Tom does a questionable accent

Quotes
Tim: "I tend to avoid liquor with handwriting on the label, cause I've been taught that's been made in bathtubs and will make me go blind."

***

Tim: "And one time, a pimp approached me."

Tom: "Was he trying to recruit you?"

Tim: "I don't know what his game was."

Tom: "He probably thought you were a rival pimp."

Tim: "Well, we WERE dressed similarly."

***

Tim: "Tim: "Pimps know how to slap, Tom. If I'd come back with a shiner, because I'd been slapped by a pimp in Chattanooga, Tennessee.."

***

Tim: ""If I ever get a black eye- I was slapped by a pimp in Tennessee!"

Tom: "People would think you were sleeping with a hooker."

Tim: "Oh."

***

Tim: "We should have a separate podcast where we just tell stories that make people cry. Bummercast."

***

Tom: "Our friend claimed a friend saw Lenny Kravitz in a 7-11 once, whistling 'Are You Gonna Go My Way' to himself."

***

Tom: "We've gotta rename this podcast."

Tim: "Yeah we need to get an explosion effect."

Tom: "I'm stuck waiting for a connection just now and looking to T&T - that's us, DYNAMITE!"

Tim: "T&T. Woo! [makes explosion noise] ... hey, welcome to the Complete Guide to Everything, we are T&T [makes explosion noise]-"

Tom: "And the explosion goes on for like a full minute before the podcast starts."

Tim: "And you hear people like, 'Arrghh! My arm got blown off by that T&T! Too powerful!'"

***

Anecdotes
Tim: "I met this total liar when on tour, I don't know why he was there ... we'e all got our coats on and this guy comes in wearing a t-shirt, shorts and sandals ... he says, 'Ah I've been electrocuted so many times I really can't feel things anymore.' Which is plausible, but it seems like a LIE ... saying shit like 'And that time I got thrown 50 feet into a wall and passed out for 4 hours'."

Tom: "Was he an electrician?"

Tim: "No, he worked in a liquor store, and claimed he worked 364 days a year and this was his one night off ... he was telling us his girlfriend had 6 or 7 degrees. No one has 7 degrees by the time they're 28 ... they had filmed a movie in their small town recently. And we're accustomed to this, being in New York ... this other guy there was like, the nicest guy in the world, so I felt bad doing this to him. But he was telling us about this film.. the whole town were extras ... so this guy, he says 'I've got this cool idea for a movie or a television show - what if you make a tv show just about those people, the extras in movies!' - and I was polite, because what's the harm.. he was so excited, he says 'I have like a million-dollar idea here!' and then one of the guys from the band let him have it.. he says 'Have you ever seen the show Extras? That's what it is.' And this guy just says... 'Mine kinda has a twist. They'll film it like, have you seen that show The Office?' and then my friend is all 'Are you shitting me?' - he was so excited to tell us this. I felt bad for him."