Department of Motor Vehicles

Episode blurb
Hate waiting in line at the DMV? We come up with solutions to the Department of Motor Vehicle's woes in this episode. Also, we talk about lucid dreaming, college football games and the fact that the two hosts of this program hate each other. Also, learn how to calculate your Jerk Quotient.

Quotes
Tim: "This is gonna be freewheeling. I'm not wearing underpants - let's go!"

***

Tim: "We've gotta get this intro down. You know why we can't? It's 'cause we hate each other."

***

Tim: "I'm constantly cutting locks of hair and sending them to fans."

Tom: "Is that why your hair is patchy right now?"

Tim: "It's a new style. It'll catch on."

***

Tim: "That's what I wanna do! I wanna wear a hat with a suit and travel on trains. That's what I wanna do with my life."

***

Tim: "There should be a jerk quotient. A JQ. Dunno how it's going to be enforced, but you buy a bluetooth headset? adds 5 to your JQ score. You drive a Hummer? 50 points to your JQ. Then you get to the DMV, and there's one line for people with a JQ under 50..."

***

Tom: "This woman reacted like I was gonna kidnap her daughter or do horrible things to her ... and now I feel really weird, like I've been publicly outed as a creep."

Tim: "How were you dressed?"

Tom: "Very little, very little. And before I asked, I just stood there for a good 5 minutes licking my lips."

***