An Unfortunate Encounter and More Michael Jackson

Episode blurb
At the end of last week’s episode, we were left with a heart-pounding cliffhanger as Tim walked out and claimed to leave the show for good. On this week’s episode we find out if Tom is destined to do The Complete Guide to Everything in solitude every week. Also, there is talk about Michael Jackson [...]

Running Gags

 * Tom does a questionable accent
 * Tim hates teenagers
 * Starbucks is mentioned

Quotes
Tim: "This is what they need to show the kids. You take crystal meth? you'll end up shitting your pants in SoHo."

***

Tim: "Babies when they shit give you that look like, 'you're gonna have to clean this up'. Smug babies and meth addicts are the WORST."

***

Tom [in old-timey voice]: "If it's okay with you, see? Yeah. Okay, see?"

Tim: "Is that what things were like in the past, Tom?"

Tom: "Yeah, anytime before I was born, and back. That's how Jesus talked. [old-timey voice] 'Okay, see? I'm gonna get on the cross, yeah?' ... 'I'm God, see?'"

Tim: "'I'm gonna get on this cross', is that what he said? I'm pretty sure he didn't say 'for my next trick ... and all time? So like, anytime from 37AD?"

Tom [in old-timey voice]: "See that woolly mammoth over there? I'm gonna kill 'im, see?' ... 'You see that dame over there? I'm gonna club her on the head, see?'"

Tim: "They called cavewomen 'dames'?"

***

Tim: "So I'd like to announce our C&C Music Factory/Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch Mash-Up Contest!"

Tom: "Yeah, absolutely!"

Tim: "You mix C&C Music Factory's Gonna Make You Sweat and Marky Mark & the Funny Bunch's Good Vibrations and send it in."

Tom: "Bonus points if you manage to mix in The Beach Boys' Good Vibrations as well. But it's gotta be subtle."

Tim: "You can't do a half-assed job here and expect to get the prize. And the prize will be a one of a kind item ... we don't know what the prize is, but you'll want it. Be it that I shave my beard off & send it to you in an envelope..."

Tom: "You're gonna get arrested doing that."

Tim: "Or Tom will do a lot of meth & shit his pants & we'll send you those shorts."

***

Tim: "She linked to a My Chemical Romance song, which I did not listen to, because they seem like bullshit teenagers listen to ... they wear eyeliner and stuff."

Tom: "Guyliner."

Tim: "But then again, so do 30 Seconds to Mars and they're your favourite band."

Tom: "No they're not. You shut up, Tim! You shut up!"

***

Tim: "They think they know what makes Tim tick. Teenagers don't know freaking anything. They don't know shit about dick."

***