Tom's Big Week or "The Monday Morning Grindcast"

Episode blurb
In this episode, Tom is reinvigorated by a particularly exciting week filled with unbelievable adventures. Also discussed: - Adventures in unfamiliar Starbucks locations - "The Monday Morning Grindcast" - Hilarious Tiger Woods stand-up routines - Making Brad Pitt work for [...]

Running Gags

 * Starbucks is mentioned
 * Tim thinks all beer/coffee/wine/chocolate tastes the same

Quotes
Tom: "As you know, I've taken a 2nd job as a janitor at a local college."

Tim: "This is.. news to me. Is this a bit?"

Tom: "No, no, it's an amazing story that happened to me this week ... I'm super smart but nobody ever saw it in me except this math professor. He left an equation up on the board one night- I solved it. I solved the math equation and I had to start seeing this psychologist, and this guy in a bar wanted to fight me but I got the numbers! It's an incredible story but that's not all ... because I took this job I had to stop taking the subway to work and started taking the bus. And this seems like an easy thing, right? This bus had a bomb on it!"

Tim: "What? This happened this week?"

Tom: "You'd think it'd make the local news! ... If the bus went below 55 miles p/hour, maybe 60 or 70, I can't remember, it was earlier in the week... the bus would blow up! ... I was driving the bus-"

Tim: "You were driving the bus? You're not qualified to drive a bus, you're a janitor!"

***

Tom: "You know that crazy, wide-eyed scientist from next door I've been hanging out with lately?"

Tim: "Doc? Yeah! ... I have to be honest with you, Tom, I don't think he's a very good influence on you."

Tom: "He had me meet him at the shopping mall really early in the morning ... and I don't know where he got these parts from. He said he'd dealt with these terrorists..."

Tim: "Terrorists?"

Tom: "I went back to the past. I kinda screwed it up- my parents weren't going to meet. I had a picture... I don't wanna bore people ... he got shot by the terrorists, but he'll be fine."

Tim: "Who, Doc?"

Tom: "Yeah. He won't be back, tho, he's in 1885."

Tim: "Alright ... it all sounds fine except for that last part, which sounds like the plot to Back to the Future."

Tom: "I'm not familiar."

***

Tim: "I don't think my sense of taste is very refined- all shit tastes the same to me."

Tom: "I think you may have a problem there ... you might be having a very prolonged stroke-"

Tim: "That may be the case."

Tom: "Oh, 'everything tastes like almonds!'"

***

Tom: "Now this woman, at my old Starbucks..."

Tim: "'My old Starbucks' is the douchiest phrase ever ... We are just the worst people ever."

***

Tom: "If you find a link on our website that says 'Online Banking', do not click that link, Tim has set it up to steal your details."

Tim: "Our online bank is probably the most reputable online bank there is."

Tom: "No. Do not click any links."