Winning the Lottery

Episode blurb
Have you ever wanted to win the lottery? Well, in this episode we tell you how to! Not really, but we do discuss excellent ways to spend your lottery winnings.

Running Gags

 * Tim hates people talking about their dreams (first mention)

Quotes
Tom: "They revamped Ask Jeeves once, and made him younger and sexier."

Tim: "Did they give him dreadlocks? and sunglasses?"

***

Tim: "When I win the lottery you are on the shortlist for butler ... I wouldn't let you talk most of the time. Or your pay would be docked."

***

Tim: "I wanna be that guy where you all sit around all like, 'Whatever happened to that Tim guy?' ... meanwhile, I'm on a beach in S. America, living the high life."

Tom: "And nobody's the wiser."

Tim: "With a bunch of beautiful women who only like me for my money."

***

Tom: "Do you think Scott Bakula's actually Dracula?"

Tim: "... Tom, no one can see the dumb face you made after making that joke. We've got a real visual episode going on."

***

Tom: "She lives in a town called Cockermouth."

Tim: "No. No. Show me!"

Tom: "And do you know where Cockermouth is? It's in CUMbria."

***

Tom: "I've had to call my phone provider and pay extra money every month because I receive so many voicemails from girls."

Tim: "Really!"

***

Tom: "... It's turned me into wolfman."

Tim: "I believe that's possibly what has happened to me."

Tom: "Is that what that beard is?"

Tim: "Yes, I shave this off every day!"

***

Tom: "I took Adderall &amp; I ended up making out with somebody for 5 hrs. It was ridiculous."

Tim: "Okay. I wanna hear more about this story! ... were you focused on making out the best you've ever made out? Like, 'I'm gonna perfect this!' Was the girl bored by the end of this?"

Tom: "Can't imagine she was. I mean, come on."

Tim: "People can't see the look I'm givin you."

***

Tom: "We were also talking about how if we did Adderall we'd have a 5 hour podcast every week that was very, very specific ... like, 'Oh wow look at that ant walking across the floor'."

***