Tom Hanks Is My Bartender

Episode blurb
On this episode, all roads lead us to Tom Hanks. Also: - Ringo Starr judging county fair contests - Times Square terrorism - Tom's favorite museum, Ripley's Believe it or Not - A big bug shuts down production for a few minutes - British people think we're dumb - Adults going back to high school

Running Gags

 * Tom does a questionable accent

Quotes
Tom: "I'm angry at you because I didn't go to radio school for 10 years to work with amateurs like you."

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Tim: "It's all about timing. What you don't know about timing could fill the Grand Canyon."

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Tom: "How many Knights are there out there at any given time?"

Tim: "It depends on how many suits of armour they have available."

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Tom [in bad Liverpool accent]: "I'd like to be knighted too."

Tim: "Shut up, Ringo! I told you to stay in the car!"

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Tom: "Hungriest cow? There's no way to judge that empirically!"

Tim: "Yeah you do, you see how much the cows can eat! Jesus Christ, it's not rocket science, Tom."

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Tom: "You gotta take a bath in tomato sauce. You ever hear that? if you get sprayed with a skunk, that's what you've gotta do."

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Tim: "How awesome would it be if Tom Hanks was your bartender and just listened to all of your problems?"

Tom: "I wish I did this show with Tom Hanks instead of you."

Tim: "Me too, man! I'd clear the way for Tom Hanks."

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Tom: "It was like a human centipede just ran by. That was 6 people with their asses sewn to the other's faces that ran by ... I hope you don't mind, I'm going to stand on my chair for the rest of the episode."

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Tim: "Yeah I stock up on 3 Big Macs in the morning and just leave them in my glove compartment. That way I don't have to go 3 times a day ... I eat them in the car ... in probably 10 seconds flat, and come into the office with special sauce all over my face."

Tom: "'Is that grease all over your face, Tim?'.. 'Yeah, a bit of grease, but mostly tears.'"

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Tom: "If you'd followed my advice of having costumes stashed around the city, you wouldn't have this problem."

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Tim: "In gym class I was pantsed. Underwear and all."

Tom: "You were old, too, right?"

Tim: "Was probably like 9th grade."

Tom: "You were 25."

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Tom: "Is there an option to go back to highschool?""

Tim: "No.""

Tom: "Why not?""

Tim: "Well, there would be a lot of predators for one ... maybe we can try to go back."

Tom: "No, we graduated."

Tim: "We can forge..."

Tom: "-UN..graduation documents?"

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Tim: "My biggest fear is that somebody will hear me talking shit about them."

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