St. Patrick's Day (HaircutCast Edition)

Episode blurb
Tim and Tom discuss all things Irish, recount tales of screwing up interviews for minimum wage jobs and then talk about haircuts for seriously like 20 minutes. Tom insults all of Ireland Baby bars Repairing US - Irish Relations Drunk, Lazy Mailmen Strippers' Problems Mandatory Drug Testing Tom Works for Coca-Cola for a Day Tim's [...]

Quotes
Tom: "Nothing says professionalism like eating a toaster oven pizza while recording."

***

Tom: "Scores [strip club] smells like a swimming pool."

Tim: "At least you know it's sanitary. They hose it down with chlorine every-"

Tom: "-They hose down the girls? 'Alright, last call!' then they hose them all down."

***

Tim: "Do you know why I have this beard, Tom? Cause I look like I'm 11 years old."

***

Tim: "You know the heart you make with the sideways-V and the 3? I always put that around Robert Pattinson's name."

Tom: "It's not a 'sideways-V', it's a greater-than symbol."

Tim: "It could be greater-than or less-than.."

Tom: "Do you look at a keyboard?"

Tim: "I was making it with my fingers, you saw what I was doing- shut the fuck up, Tom."

Tom: "Continue."

Tim: "No. Kiss my ass, Tom ... I quit the podcast. You're making me look like a fool in front of these British kids."

***

Tom: "I got a haircut, you didn't compliment me!"

Tim: "I did, off-mic-"

Tom: "No you didn't! Why are you lying? You're lying to the fans!"

Tim: "I wanted people to think, 'Oh, Tim's a good friend'-"

Tom: "You didn't think I'd call you out on it?"

Tim: "You've had a bit to drink, I hoped you'd forget."

***

Tom
"So I applied to be a Coca Cola truck driver ... and I had to get drug tested for that. I had to pee in a cup and this lady watches you pee. So if you're into that, apply for jobs where you need to be drug tested ... I went with the guy to the job ... and he was ragging on Dr Pepper a lot. The Pepsi guy turns up and I'm all 'here we go'... he's all, 'Yo, Carl. I'm gonna put my business card behind the Diet Dr. Pepper and I bet you when I come back it'll still be there.' ... I should go there tomorrow [to check] ... they were testing my health really ... before I'm an employee and they have to cover my healthcare or anything ... they've got one of those signs that says 'Days without Injury'. And it says 1. As I'm looking at that sign, the guy comes in behind me- 'Are you Tom?' and I turn around and the guy has an eyepatch. And as we're finishing up, shaking hands etc, 3 people come running by and one of them is just pouring blood. Pouring blood. There's just a trail of blood down the hallway ... and the guy just watches and is all, 'Well alright, we'll be in touch'."

Tim
"The summer after senior year of highschool, I'd built up this whole fantasy about it being the best summer ever. I thought I'd get a job at the local Blockbuster video. I'd watch movies all day, I'd make awesome recommendations ... I was wildly misinformed about what goes on at Blockbuster video ... [the application] said 'Do you want to submit to a drug test?' and I was all 'I don't want someone to watch me pee.' So I said no ... I was dumb. My whole plan was kinda foolish, I think we've established I was an idiot at this point ... somewhere in the vaults at Blockbuster, they probably have a printout - 'Tim [my last name]: DRUG ADDICT."